Forgiveness – The Decision and The Process

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The right to be mad for betrayed trust holds so strong on a human heart. The right to be mad because they should have been there for you but they were too busy. The right to be mad because you hoped for love but received rejection. The right to be mad because they were supposed to protect you but instead violated you. The right to be mad because they said one thing to your face and another thing behind your back. The right to be mad because they didn’t keep their word. The right to be mad. I am not going to tell you that you don’t have the right to be mad. YOU DO! BUT is the right to be mad beneficial to the right to move forward? 

The right to be mad is a chokehold anchor around your neck sapping your energy and sabotaging your future.

I’m not going to use all the forgiveness cliches. I’m just going to share from my heart my road to leaving unforgiveness in 2017. The fact of the matter is as much as I need to forgive others, there are many that I need to forgive me. It is funny how that coin flips both ways. In trying to defend myself from the blows of others, I have in turn wounded innocent bystanders. I could play the victim and blame others for all my pain, but to do so would leave the state of my future in the offender’s hands. Some of the people that I need to forgive stem all the way back to the day I was born and yet others are no longer alive. I decided not to leave the progress of my future in the hands of dead men and a broken past.


Unforgiveness is a blind spot in your mind that is like a virus on a computer aborting every good program. It goes about unnoticed because you have done the kumbaya forgiveness but it appears as a trigger in every new situation that slightly resembles your past. That trigger causes you to overact to the smallest of things and leave you sitting there wondering why did I do that? Not anymore – NOT IN 2018!


As I poured out my heart to God, the Holy Spirit revealed some things. He revealed that forgiveness is a two-sided coin of many different dimensions. I mentioned one earlier. The dimension of the offended, offending. When we are an open wound of rejected feelings we simply give out more of what we have experienced in life unless we intentionally address the issues. This requires a level of self-awareness and honesty that many of us are to fearful to explore.


The other dimension of this two-sided coin of forgiveness is “The Decision” and “The Process.” 

The Decision

Forgiveness is a decision that can be made in an instant. When you are offended you simply decide that you are not going to be moved by your feelings. You make the conscious decision, “I am going to forgive that person for what they said and/or did.” Forgiveness is between you and the offender. It does not set them free from blame, guilt or responsibility for what they have done to hurt you. It sets you free from allowing their actions to control your thoughts, behavior, and ability to move forward. As long as you are mad they have control. They are taking up free real estate in your mind, disrupting your life as they go on about their merry way.


Forgiveness also doesn’t automatically change your feelings about the situation. Your feelings about the situation belong to the other side of the coin, “The Process” side. Oftentimes we think because we do not feel better about the person or situation that we have not forgiven them. This is not necessarily true. It may mean that we have not healed from the situation. The funny thing is we can’t heal until we decide to forgive. This is why many of us walk around with aged old wounds that still inflict pain in our lives because we are still holding on to the right to BE MAD. 

Forgiveness opens the door to healing but only Jesus heals.

The Process

Healing is a process that takes time between you and Jesus. The time it takes is up to you. How long will it take you to get brass tax honest about the situation with Jesus in your prayer time? It requires you to lay your heart bare before Jesus, giving him all the emotions of the situation. Getting down to the bare bones, honest truth with Him about your feelings regarding the person and the situation. This is not going to be your nice, pretty religious prayer time. This is your raw emotions expressed with all the pain they invoke in your heart.


I call it my anger management sessions with Jesus. In Psalm 139, He said he knows my thoughts before I know to think them, so I don’t hold back. I give it all to Jesus just how I feel it. If I’m mad, hurt and betrayed I tell Him along with why I feel that way. I will even go as far as to say the vengeance I would like to take against my offender but refuse to because I love Jesus and want to obey His word. I let the Holy Spirit know I need His help otherwise I’m going to jail. Real TALK! I may be a Christian Life Coach but that does not absolve me from issues with people. What being a Life Coach does is help me process my own garbage better, faster and in a way that doesn’t hurt anybody else. See Jesus is the only place you can go and be 100% honest without judgment. I don’t understand why we don’t get honest with God, He already knows the motives of our heart. We are not going to say anything to Him that surprises Him. 

Many of us aren’t free TODAY because we won’t get honest with GOD.

Jesus said he came to heal the brokenhearted. When someone has a broken heart it is usually because another person has created a situation that caused hurt, pain and/or rejection. The process of healing requires us to take the offense to Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit room to heal our heart. Then the pain dissolves and the feelings change. Many of us keep forgiving the same people over and over again because we haven’t gone through the healing process with Jesus. Let Him do what He came to earth to do, HEAL YOU.


Over this year I have spent plenty of time on my prayer floor praying about people who have hurt me in my past. I have lingered with the Lord. He has given me a different perspective, healed my heart and I can say without any reservations that I am free from unforgiveness. We are leaving that puppy in 2017. My heart is FREE to love and be loved, to inspire and be inspired to move forward and WIN AT LIFE!


I hope you will take a page out of this chapter of my life and do the same. BECAUSE BABY IT’S TIME WIN AND WIN BIG!!!


Do me a favor. If this blog has encouraged you please scroll back up to the top and hit the like button. Please feel free to express your comments and share the love to others. I hope this motivational video is a reminder of the impact living in the past can have on your future. 

5 comments on “Forgiveness – The Decision and The Process

Getting back my husband after separation was very difficult for me because he went to settle down with another woman, i had two children for him already. I have tried to make contacts with him to come back home yet he refuse, each time i look at his kids i become more sad and i needed him at my side to raise the children together. I was so lucky i finally got the help i needed. My husband is back to me and we are living happily as it used to be.

    Jesus is THE ONLY God and most powerful source of breaking ungodly soul ties. I am so happy your family is restored and you kids have their father back. His forgiving power in your marriage with root out every issue. Be blessed!!!

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