Fake People

Life Coach Brenda Blog

I realize I’m no good at being fake or am I? I’m on a first date last night with a handsome young man. I didn’t think at first blush he was my type but he really put in some work to get my attention. I’m open-minded and like meeting new people. We meet at a restaurant and he shows up in a T-shirt about smoking weed. I’m thinking to myself REALLY, at forty-something years old people are still wearing t-shirts like that? Unbeknownst to me, he was barely 30 years old. Next thing I know out my mouth comes, “You smoke weed?” Just like that! He lies but my inspector gadget senses went into full effect.


I tried to be nice through dinner, I really did! Next thing I know I’m asking about jail time, weed habits and baby mommas. He goes on about how I could be his future and how he needs a real woman in his life. In all honesty, he is getting an eye roll from me in my head (I hope it didn’t come across my face). Then I make a statement that was way too judgmental (in which I repented for later), “My image is too important to me.” In other words, you and that weed smoking, thug life thing you got going on, doesn’t fit into my world anymore. Screaming you’re not good enough, screaming rejection and absent of any sense of respect or love.

It’s A TEST!: 
The truth is this was a multifaceted test for me. In the past 20 years, I have given up a lot of things to walk in obedience to the Lord and enjoy His abundant promises in my life. Of the things I have given up, weed and sex are the two I miss the most. They are also the two I am tested on the most. I have not always passed my tests but I have passed many of them. I simply can’t allow anything to compromise the integrity of my life. My private life and public life MUST MATCH! My career, my business and everything I do depend on it. Which means I simply can’t allow people who indulge in these things to tempt me back into a life that no longer serves my future, even if I do miss elements of it. Nothing to do with them but everything to do with me, my past, and my weaknesses.

Just because you miss something doesn’t mean it gets a place in your future.

It Goes Deep: 
However, this date takes things to a deeper level! The test wasn’t just about me dying to the flesh, overcoming a temptation and being true to the woman I am today. It was also about my desire to love people right where they are at in their lives, with no judgment. To still inspire, encourage and empower them even if I don’t agree with their lifestyle. It doesn’t mean I bring them into the inner circle of my world but it does mean that I treat them with the respect every human being deserves. Just because I sin differently, doesn’t mean I am any better than anyone else.

Yes, I know it is a shock that a Christian Life Coach still has sin in her life. Newsflash everyone on this side of eternity also has sin in their life. (If you want me to get biblical on that topic email me.) The question is how do we deal with our sin. Do we allow it to define who we are, justify it, deny it or do we release it to the one who can wipe it from our hearts? I choose to be transparent and release mine to one greater than I. I simply can’t do this obedience walk on my own. I need Him (JESUS)!

Inevitably, I need to apologize to him. He didn’t deserve how I treated him. He was just being who he is and I don’t get to judge if that is good or bad. I DO get to decide if he is a good candidate for me to date. Which as handsome as he is unfortunately, he is not, (not to mention the 15 year age gap). Too much would have to change in both of our lives in order for us to seriously date. I am a big believer that in order to move forward with a person you need to accept them 100% with no alterations, that’s the purpose of dating.

In all of this, I have come to realize I can’t fake it with people. I need to be true to who I am but not at the expense of another person’s feelings and dignity. If I can’t respect them as a person then I am still being fake to who I proclaim to be, A WOMAN WHO LOVES EVERYONE and inspires them to greatness.


Be True, BE LOVE, BU!

I may have passed the first part of this test but I surely need to do a makeup on the second part. Tomorrow will tell the story if I pass or not.


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I hope this song meets you in a sweet place and empowers you to make one more step forward, even when you fail!

8 comments on “Fake People

Brenda, the beauty in what I read was that you realized in order to be 100% true to yourself you had to recognize the bigger picture and that was to love people where they are. That is what makes you a excellent Life Coach. You love them beyond where they are but even see where they can be. Like you this gentlemen was being true to who he is; somewhat I guess because afterall he wore a shirt about weed. Geesh!!! on a first date….. Lord Jesus I would need some serious help if I was back in the game. I am proud that you came to the realization that eventhough he doesn’t fit the lifestyle and the woman that you have become he still deserves to be respected and made to feel that he is of value. You definitely made our father smile when you came to this realization. Jesus loves us unconditionally, he doesn’t love the mess and the sin but he loves us truly unconditional because he always sees our potential. I am grateful and thankful that he does because I remember back some years ago had I not accepted the fact that he loves me inspite of me I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today. I am sure that God has a plan for you to make this right. He always does; we are never tested by God beyond our ability to pass. I’m praying for you and so proud of the beautiful inspirational woman that you are. God’s best for you! Angelia

Wow! I deal with this alot and try to be myself and not judge others…it is challenging though bcuz I too have desires, temptation, etc. Probably while fighting my own self I may come off alittle edgy then come under conviction; have to repent, go back and make it right; apologizing for my attitude & self righteousness. But for the grace of God…that could be and was me too at one time. Thank you for sharing.

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